Food for Thought
by Tanigi
Summary: Larry learns that most of the exhibits have never eaten anything.
1. Chapter 1

Larry Daley, night guard for the New York Museum of Natural History, was sitting at the reception desk in the front lobby of the museum. Around him, various exhibits were playing sports, talking, or whatever else they felt like doing. It had been a long night so far; there had been a particularly nasty skirmish amongst the faceless Civil War soldiers, and it had taken him almost two hours to replace all of their stuffing and stitch them back up, even with Sacajawea's help. He had gotten surprisingly good at sewing since he had come to work there. And sweeping, and mopping, and scrubbing. And he was now a formidable force with a glue gun…

Sighing, he sat back in the desk chair and picked up the book he had been interrupted in the middle of earlier, but before he could open it, his stomach growled. He perked up. He'd forgotten all about the "lunch" he had brought. Four slices of Hawaiian pizza with extra pineapple. He bent down, grabbed his metal lunch box off of the bottom shelf of the desk, and straightened back up, scooting his chair forward. Opening the box, he sighed in pleasure at the smell.

He was about to take his first bite when a yell reached his ears. "Gigantor! How 'bout a lift?"

He looked down. There stood Jedediah, about one and a half inches tall, cowboy hat at a cocky slant and hands resting confidently on his holster. Grinning, Larry put his hand palm up on the floor and waited for Jed to climb on, then slowly raised it to the desktop. "Hey, Jed."

Jed nodded at him and settled down on the edge of a rubber stamp. "Hey. Y'know, you really oughtta get some o' those little metal things women put on their fingers when they stitch stuff up. Tumbles."

"Thimbles."

"Yeah."

"I don't prick myself that often."

"Right. You're just lucky nobody'll think twice about blood stains on them uniforms."

Larry snorted and took a bite of his cold pizza. Ah. Now that was good. Glancing down, he saw Jed watching him, a curious look on his face. Larry smiled, broke a tiny piece off of the side of the slice, and held it out towards the miniature. "Want some? It's good."

Jed raised his eyebrows and took the morsel, turning it over and examining it thoughtfully. "Huh. Always wanted to try this."

Larry looked at him, mildly surprised. "You've never had pizza?"

Jedediah shook his head. "Never had food. But here goes nothing." He raised the pizza to his mouth.

"Whoa!" Larry yelped. He reached forward and took the crumb back.

"Hey!" Jed yelled indignantly.

Larry stared at the pizza and then at Jed in disbelief. "How could you not have had food?"

Jed glared at him, crossing his arms and sulking a little. "_Friendly_ as those other night guards were, they never even let us outta our towns. They sure as shootin' never shared their lunch with us."

Larry blinked, opened his mouth to say something, shut it, and opened it again. "Oh. You… wow."

"Can I have it back now?" Jedediah asked impatiently.

Larry shook his head. "I don't…" He brightened, looking over Jedediah's head at a rider on horseback who had just appeared. "Hey! Teddy! Could you come over here for just a second?"

Teddy Roosevelt, former President, turned and looked at Larry before urging his horse towards him. "Of course, lad. What can I do for you?"

Larry hesitated a moment while Teddy dismounted and turned towards him. "Um, Teddy, have any of you ever… you know, eaten?"

Teddy looked at him quizzically. "Eaten what, Lawrence?"

"Um, anything. Food. Have you ever had food?"

The former President laughed. "With the exception of Ahkmenrah and the Tyrannosaurus Rex, all of the exhibits were made as inanimate objects. We do not need nourishment. And under the effects of the Tablet, neither do Ahkmenrah or Rexy." He glanced towards the end of the T-Rex skeleton's tail, which was disappearing around a corner after its owner in pursuit of the dinosaur's beloved bone. "Which is quite a good thing, because I'm really not sure how that would work."

Larry nodded. "Oh. So… you guys can't eat anything. Wow, I'm sorry, Jed…"

Teddy frowned at him. "I didn't say that."

The night guard looked up at him in confusion. "But… then what did you say?"

Looking thoughtful, Teddy said, "Well, to be honest, I've never given any thought to the subject. I don't know if ingestion is possible, or if it would have any ill effects. But I know who will."

"Will what?" Larry asked, feeling a bit lost.

"Know." Teddy turned and mounted his horse in one smooth motion, then reached out a gloved hand toward Larry. "Climb aboard, lad." He noticed Jedediah scowling and quickly added, "And Jedediah, of course. I believe I saw Ahkmenrah near the Hall of African Mammals."

Larry quickly closed his lunchbox, put it away, and walked around the desk. He held out his hand for Jedediah to step onto. The little man did, grudgingly, and allowed himself to be put in Larry's breast pocket. But after Larry mounted behind Teddy and they started off at a trot towards the Hall, Jed said in a muffled, frustrated tone, "Y'know, Gigantor, this'd be a heck of a lot easier if you'd just let me try the dang pizza!"

**A/N: Please review! This is my first fanfiction, and I would love any constructive criticism. Should I keep going?**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Night at the Museum. Honestly, I would love to see even one piece of fan fiction that was written by the owners of the original work.

* * *

Ahkmenrah looked at Larry with his forehead wrinkled slightly. "Eat what?"

Larry sighed. "Just eat. Anything."

The Egyptian blinked. "Ah... why?"

Larry shrugged. "We were just wondering. I mean, I had some pizza and I gave some to Jed, and he said he hadn't, and I didn't know if he could, or what it would do, so…"

"I see," Ahkmenrah said quickly, nodding. His face grew thoughtful. "I don't really see why not, but the Tablet is rather tricky in these areas. While-"

"Hold up a second," Jedediah piped up from where he was hanging out of Larry's pocket, elbows propping him up, chin on his hands. "Thought you knew everything about that Tablet. How come you don't sound sure?"

Ahkmenrah frowned at him. "Until we both came to this museum, the tablet and I had never been in the same place at the same time-at least, since I... well, died. And even then, it was fifty years-" here he cast a rather pointed sidelong glance at Teddy, who looked away sheepishly, "before I was released from my sarcophagus. I have only had the last year to experience and examine the Tablet's special properties while they were in action. So I don't know everything about it yet," he finished, sounding just a bit defensive.

Larry spoke up. "Uh, I thought you said that your parents gave it to you. Didn't they tell you about it?"

The young king raised an eyebrow. "Apparently, they thought there were more important things for me to learn than whether or not it gave the ability to eat. Such as the life-or-death situations that could arise from mishandling it."

"Oh. Right."

"Exactly. Now if you really wish to know about this, I should be able to figure it out, but it may take a while. So-"

"I got a better idea," Jedediah said. "How 'bout I just take a bite of something, and I'll let you know if it kills me?"

Ahkmenrah looked at him severely. "Which it could very well do," he scolded. "There is a very delicate balance that must be maintained with the Tablet. One wrong step, and you may lose the ability to come to life." Jedediah blanched and looked away.

"Now, as I was saying. This may take a while, so I shall begin immediately. I will be in with the Tablet. It would be best not to interrupt me." And with a slight bow, Ahkmenrah turned and began making his way to his exhibit.

* * *

That morning, when Larry got home and climbed into bed for the day, he lay awake for a while, just staring at the ceiling and thinking about what he had learned that night. It disturbed him, to say the least; he had never really realized the limits of the museum inhabitants' lives.

_What would it be like to never eat? Well, no... I guess the specific historical figures might have "memories" of it... but otherwise... _Eating was a simple, basic fact of life, one he took for granted. And many of the exhibits had never experienced it.

He turned over with a sigh and squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to relax. Gradually, his thoughts started to drift apart and his breathing evened, but before he completely succumbed to sleep, one coherent thought presented itself.

_I wonder what other things they're missing... _

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up, especially since it's kinda short. Trust me, I will finish this, but it may take a while. I'm slower than I thought I was. :) The next time I write something, I am going to finish the whole thing before posting...

By the way, anybody who is reading this needs to go look up the song "No Better," by Sherwood. It is beautiful and sad.

Thanks for reading! Please review.


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